The  Baby  Birds


     One  day  shortly  after  I  had  come  home  from  college , my  father  was  outside  doing  yard  work . He  found  a  baby  bird  under  a  tree  and  assumed  it  had  fallen from  its  nest . Wanting  to  return  the  tiny  creature  to  its  home , my  dad  went  to  get  a  ladder . When  he  got  back , he  found  another  baby  bird  on  the  ground . Suddenly  he  heard  a  loud  chirping  from  above . Looking  up , my  father  saw  the  mothetr  bird  giving  a  third  baby  the  boot  from  its  nest . With  that , Dad  walked  into  our  house , took  one  look  at   me  watching  television  and  barked , "Get  a  job !"  

parents have their own ways to train their baby to learn ability of living.

Giving  Ugly  Puppies  Away
Much to our dismay , our dog gave birth to 11 puppies . Six weeks later , we put an ad in the local paper :" FREE TO GOOD HOME 11 Adorable Puppies ." Response was meager , and at the end of two weeks we still had seven left . We changed our tactics . The next ad read :" FREE TO GOOD HOME 1Very Ugly and 6 Very Prettu Puppies ." As soon as the paper came out , phone calls started all from people who wanted to know if we still had the "ugly" one . By the end of the next day , we had given the "ugly" puppy away seven times .

Money Refunded

A couple took their three-month-old son to the movies with them . On the way ,the usher said they'd have to leave if the baby cried .
"But we'll refund you money ," he added .
After watching the movie for a half-hour , the husband turned to his wife ."Well , what do you think ?" he asked .
"It's the worst thing I've ever seen !" the wife repied .
"Me , too ," he  agreed ." Shanke little Tom ."

I am sorry to see that

haha. how clever Tom's parents are.  the jokes always can fresh me after reading them when i am sleepy in this afternoon.   hope banzhu can provede jokes more here because our life will filled with laughter. *0*

Teacher: I hear you live close to the river and yet you never learned to swim?
Roy: What’s so strange about that? You’re surrounded by air, yet you can’t fly!
老师：我听说你家住的离河很近，可你竟然没学会游泳。
罗伊：这有什么好奇怪的？你被空气包围着，可你也不会飞啊！

Jim: Sometimes I like my teacher.
Friend: When’s that?
Jim: When she’s sick and has to stay home.
吉姆：有时我喜欢我的老师。
朋友：那是什么时候呢？
吉姆：是她生病呆在家里的时候。

It's Sunday Tomorrow.

  　　　　Teacher: Tommy, you're late for the school again. In fact, you are
　　　　　　　　late every day.
　　　　Tommy: I'm sorry, sir. But I won't be late tomorrow.
　　　　Teacher: Nice to hear that. But can you tell me why?
　　　　Tommy: Because it's Sunday tomorrow.

　　　　　　　　　　　　明天是星期天。 　　　
　　　
　　　　老师：汤米，你又迟到了。事实上，你每天都迟到。
　　　　汤米：对不起，老师。不过明天我就不会迟到了。
　　　　老师：我很高兴听你这么说。但是你能告诉这是为什么吗？
　　　　汤米：因为明天是星期天哪。
　　　　　　　　　　　

North or South?

  4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 月  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 日   
　　　
　　　 Jack: Now, guess it. When the head of a cow points north,
　　　　　　where will her tail point?
　　　 John: To the south, naturally.
　　　 Jack: You are wrong. It points to the ground, as usual.  

　　　　　　　　　　北还是南？ 　　　
　　　
　　　 杰克：现在，你来猜猜看。当一头牛的脑袋冲着北边时，
　　　　　　 它的尾巴指向什么地方？
　　　 约翰：当然是南方了。
　　　 杰克：错了，它还是象往常一样冲着地面。

She Is Looking for the Perfect Man

A friend of mine at a university constanly complains about the girls there . They are erther too silly , too frivolous , too dumb , too argumentative ------too this , too that .
One day he announced that he had found the one , the only , perfect woman in the world . When he broke the great news , however , he lacked the joy that should accompany the culmination of such a long search .
"What's wrong ?" I asked . " You found the perfect woman , didn't you ?"
"Yes ," he admitted ,"but she is looking for the perfect man ."

I Wasn't Asleep

　　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep,  and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我没有睡着

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”

　　　 “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　　 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”

　　　 “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

Where are his books?
Jack: Oh, what a lovely bookshelf you have. How come you
　　　　　　have no books on it?
　　　 John: Yeah, I had quite a lot before, but I sold all of them to buy
　　　　　　this bookshelf."


　　　　　　　　　他的书在哪儿？ 　　　
　　　
　　　 杰克：哦，你的书架可真漂亮呀！可为什么上面一本书也没有呢？
　　　 约翰：是啊，以前我到是有很多书，但是为买这个书架，我把书
　　　　　　 全卖了。

Birthday Present.
"Ma, what present will you want for your birthday?" Three
　　 children asked their mother.
　　　 "I only wish to have three obedient boys, my sons." answered
　　 the mother.
　　　 "Oh!" cried the eldest child. "Then we will have six brothers,
　　 won't we?"


　　　　　　　　　　生日礼物。 　　　
　　　
　　　 “妈，您生日时想要什么生日礼物呀？”三个孩子问他们的母亲。
　　　 “我只想要三个听话的孩子。” 母亲回答。
　　　 “啊，”老大叫了起来，“那我们不就有六个兄弟了吗？”
　　　　　　　　　　　

Only cash and credit cards.
When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for
　　a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and
　　number of people.
　　　 " Do you take children?" the man asked.
　　　 "No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."


　　　　　　　　　　只算现金和信用卡。 　　　
　　　
　　　 一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说
　 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。
　　　 “小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。
　　　 “不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。”