The watermelon

       A fruit vendor in the Philippines sold a watermelon to an old woman and assured her that it was very sweet because it was red inside . As she rode home in a jeepney , the vehicle skidded and the watermelon fello to the street and broke open. The old woman was surprised to see that the fruit was pale pink and not red . So she returned with it to the vendor and complained loudly .

      "Madam ,"replied the vendor ."When one falls out of a vehicle to the street , one can expect to turn pale .How about a watermelon ?"

I'm trying to stop it
Teacher: Jack, why have you got cotton in your left ear? Is it infected?
　　　Jack: No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went
　　　in one ear and out of the other, so I'm trying to stop it!

　　　　　　　　　　我想堵住它

　　　老师：杰克，你的左耳朵里面为什么塞棉花？是感染了吗？
　　　杰克：不是，老师。您昨天曾说过您告诉我的一切事情总是一耳进一
　　　　　　耳出，所以我在试着堵上它。

Blood Test
      A young doctor ,raid in the city ,open his ptactice in a rural area of Australia .The second day ,his doorbell rang at 4:30 a.m . He stumbled toward the door , his mind screaming to be alert for what must be a terrible emergency . Opening the door ,he was surprised to see a farmer , looking quite fit . "Good heaven , man , what is it ?" the doctor asked .
      "Nothing much ," said the farmer ."You asked me to drop by for my blood test just before breakfast ,and here I am ."

The Scrawny Chicken
      Mrs.Michael goes to the butcher shop to buy a chicken for the Sunday meal . The butcher has only one scrawny chicken left . He puts it on the scale .
      "Three pounds ," he says .
      "That's too scrawny ; don't you have something bigger ?" Mrs.Michael asks .
      He pretends to rummage around ,and then puts the same chicken back on the sacle , while pressing with his thumb .
      "Three and a half pounds ," he says .
      "That looks better ,' says Mrs.Michael ."I will take them both ."

i hope
go on!

My dog can't read
         Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
　　　Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
　　　Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　我的狗不识字

　　布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
　　史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
　　布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

Choosing Oranges
      Mrs.Williamson had two sons ,one is five years old ,the other is seven years old .One morning during the holidays ,when she was doing the washing for the family ,her younger son came and asked her for money for sweets .
      "Sweets are bad for your teeth ,"Mrs.Williamson said ."Take these oranges instead ,and give one to your brother ."One of the oranges was quite a lot bigger than the other ,and  as the small boy liked oranges ,he kept that one for himself ,and gave his brother the small one .
       When the older boy saw that his brother had a much larger orange than his own ,he said to him ,"It's selfish to take the bigger one for yourself .If mother had given me the oranges ,I'd have given you the bigger one ."
       "I know you would ,"answered his brother ."That's why I took it ."

The Laziest Man on the Farm
         A farmer had ten employees on his farm ,and none of them was energetic as the farmer thought he should be . He hit upon a plan which he believed would cure them of their lazy habits .
         "Men ,"he  said one morning ,"I have a nice ,easy job for the laziest man on the farm .Will the laziest man step forward ?"
         Instantly nine of the men stepped forward .
         "Why don't you step to the front with the rest ,"inquired the farmer of the remaining one .
         "Too much trouble ,"came the reply .

The Log
    The first mate was found to be drunk one day and that it happened to be the captain's turn to write in the ship's log .So he wrote:
    The first mate was drunk today .
    He begged the captain off and pleaded to the captain to remove that entry but the captain argued that once an entry was made in the company's log it coundn't be deleted . The first mate decided to get even .
    The next time when it was the first mate's turn to write in the log ,he wrote :
    The captain was sober today .

They Are Directly from America
     Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from
　　her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city
　　bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the
　　bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see
　　if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering.
　　"Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US
　　dollars. They are directly from America."

　　　　　　　　　它们是从美国直接带来的

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不就， 到一家市银行存女儿送给她
　　的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。这
　　种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：
　　 “相信我， 先生， 也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是
　　从美国直接带来的。”

　　No Chance in the Daytime

　My sister asked her husband, "Why do you always talk in your sleep?" To this
　　he replied, "Because I've got little chance to talk when I'm awake."
　　The next day when my sister asked her husband,"Why did you scold me in
　　your sleep last night?" To this he replied, "Because i've got no courage to do
　　so when i'm awake."

　　　　　　　　　白天没有机会

　　
　　我妹妹问她丈夫，“为什么你老在睡觉时说话？”他回答说：“因为我醒着时
　　没有机会。”
　　第二天她问丈夫，“为什么昨晚睡觉时你骂我？”他回答说：“因为我醒着时
　　没有机会。”

The Reply Letter of the Department of Agriculture

      A chicken fancier had some difficulty with her flock and wrote the following letter to the Department of Agricuture:
     "Something is wrong with my chickens.Every morning when I come out I find two or three lying on the ground cold and stiff with their feet in the air .Can you tell me what is the matter?"
      After a little while she received the following letter from the Department :
      "Dear Madam ,Your chichen are dead."

True Or False?
One day a young businessman asked his girl friend, "Dear, will you marry me
　　if I am bankrupt?"
　　"Of course, I will ," the girl said firmly.
　　"Do you mean what you say?" the man asked.
　　"That's what I want to ask you," the girl said.

　　　　　　　　　真的还是假的？

　　
　　一天一个年轻的商人问他女朋友：“亲爱的，如果我破产了你还会嫁给我
　　吗？”
　　“当然会。”女孩坚定的回答。
　　“你是说真的吗？”他问道。
　　“这正是我想问你的问题。”女孩说。